Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships

Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships

picture taken from

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-34416989

A. Lenhart, A. Smith, & M. Anderson. (October 2015). Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships. Pew-Research Center. Retrieved October 2015 at http://www.pewinternet.org/files/2015/10/PI_2015-10-01_teens-technology-romance_FINAL.pdf.

With today’s ever changing technology and the ease of it being at your finger tips twenty-four seven,  it’s even easy to keep up with loved ones.  So in looking at that along with how teens use technology: social media to be exact how it plays a role in their relationships and how it effects it.  They used teens ages 13-17 to create their report.  This really hit home with me since I have a 13 year old.  I am so not ready for this but it’s coming and it’s time to get my head out of the sand. 

Some of the points that I found important are:

1.  Dating - Only about 35% of them have dated, “hooked up”, with or been in a romantic relationship with another person.  The number of teens that have met and hooked up or dated someone online is relatively small with it being only 8%.  The ones that have met online were most likely to meet on Facebook.  My thinking – most still aren’t dating and most are meeting in person with only a few meeting online.  Online scares me because do you really know if that person is who they say there are, how do you even date if you have never met?  Educating kids is a parent’s best defense as well as open communication. 

2.  Flirting - Teens even use social media for flirting. They typically like, comment, “friend” or joke around with someone that they are interested in or that they have a crush on.  Most common flirting is by those teens that have flirted before.  Girls seem to be the target for more uncomfortable flirting practices than boys with social media.  So in response 35% of teen girls have blocked or unfriended people versus onl y 16% of boys who have done that same.  My thinking – Unwanted or unsolicited advances have always been around.  At least if they are doing it on social media you are able to block or unfriend them to get rid of the unwanted advances. 

3.  Staying Close/Contact - Social Media allows those that are dating to feel closer but it can also lead to jealousy and uncertainty in relationships.  My thinking-It seems to be a double edge sword – they can post about their relationships online but then it also allows too many people to become involved into their personal relationships.  Some things should just be kept private and no one wants to see your dirty laundry.

4. Communication- Daily communication is expected by significant others.  The numbers were staggering to me about those who had to check in hourly, every couple of hours, or just once a day.  Texting seems to be the number one way that they stay in contact with phone calls and being together in person next.  Social Media follows behind that with instant or online messaging.  They mentioned that lower income households communicate with their romantic partners via social media more than those with higher income households.  This had me thinking why?  Is it because the students have jobs to help support their families so there is less time to spend with their significant other therefore social media and texting/messaging plays such an important role in their relationships. 

5. Researching Potential Romantic Partners -  It also seems that they use social media  to research their potential romantic prospects.  This seems a bit like stalking behavior because they keep it on the low, which means that they don’t like or comment so that it’s not known that they have been looking and gathering information about the person.  My thinking is that it’s a little bit like old school in that you ask around about the person and watch them it’s just done on social media instead of in person. 

6. Breaking Up - It still seems that breaking up is most acceptable in person but phone calls and texting and social media are also done.  Seems to me that some are using the easy way out or doing it the only way they can to not feel guilt about doing it in person and caving to pressure to stay together. 

7. Who shows interest first -  Girls are more likely than boys to wait for someone to show they are interested.  My Thinking – it’s like it has been, I was always taught to let boys make the first move.

 

8. Sharing/Posting-When teens share online they typically share humorous or funny posts.  They also share general post about what they are doing, their thoughts, activities or location.  They also feel that sometimes their significant other only post what they want people to see, that they are less than authentic on social media.  I have always thought this to be true.  Who is really going to post it on social media what their life is really like and how would people respond if they did.   I don’t think sharing your location is a good idea.  It let’s other know where you are and that it not always a good thing. 

9. Trust - I thought it was crazy that they showed trust by sharing their password to their significant other.  Seems that it shows a lack of trust on the person requesting the password, it’s meant to show trust but to me it seems just the opposite. 

10. Breaking Up/Ending It - After breaking up there are differences in what they do.  Some block or unfriend their ex some continue on as usual.  Some delete posts and pictures. I could see that looking back at a bad relationship would be painful but also deleting these things don’t make them go away.  Some continue to text (or read text), or even go to extremes such as placing a GPS tracking device on their phones to monitor them.  This to me is crazy, how do they have access to their text and how can the app be there without them knowing.  This is terrifying to me as a mother.   

It seems social media is here to stay and how we as parents help guide our children down the right path being safe and respectful of those they chose to enter into a romantic relationship with.  It seems that some things are the same just how they go about them are different.  I remember writing notes and talking on the phone and eating lunch with my boyfriend, that has been replaced with texting, social media posts, etc.    

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